Tuesday, November 10, 2009
It isn't easy to be a single dad. I wasn't even very good at being a single man previous to marriage. However the need to be vested in other people's lives is what drove me from bachelorhood through the various states of bliss, insecurity, ineptitude, caring, selflessness, cluelessness, and eventually being completely and utterly subsistent upon the faith that saved me from self-destruction over 28 years ago.
This morning I found a blouse in my daughter's room all wadded up in the bottom of a Ralphs plastic bag. What I found odd, was that the blouse appeared to have already been worn, but still had the tags attached inside the collar. Now, I'm not one to jump to conclusions. At least not easily. But anything she has bought for herself, or that her mother bought, would immediately be de-tagged, laundered and hung in the closet. If it was a return, why was it in a Ralphs bag without a receipt? Hmmmm.
I was a teenaged shoplifter. Like most youthful offenders, it wasn't a crime committed out of need. It was the addiction to the thrill of pulling off a heist without getting caught. If the shoplifting is a peer pressure response to a dare, it usually is a one-time deal and isn't repeated.
Now I'm not about to pump my 14 year-old daughter for information about her wadded up blouse. I will just file the unanswered question mark in a drawer and go back to it if any other red flags lead to suspect that my sweet little girl is a thief.
I guess I have a hard time accepting the idea that neither of my kids have expressed any problematic behavior due to the break up of our family. Some might say I'm stupid for not thanking God for that fact. I guess a selfish part of me wants there to be some sort of disruption. I want my kids to show some sort of outward indication that this change in their lives is affecting them. If for no other reason, so we can begin addressing the big-ass gorilla sitting in the living room. I don't know. Maybe I'm the gorilla and the kids don't have the heart to tell their dad to shake it off and move on with his life.
Funny how my 3-D Faith blogs seem to be more about Divorce | Depression | Dejection. Oh well...that is just where I am today...most days, to be honest. But my hope still lies in that God will lead me to know when I'm ready to jump back into life on His terms instead of looking backward to see if any of those shut doors behind me are ajar. This blog is more about the pursuit of living 3D faith. It could be called a fail blog, but as long as I continue to struggle to achieve right decision, committed devotion, and determined delight, I haven't failed. I have just yet to achieve.
My devotion, delight, and decisions must all be led by faith. Hopefully, the practice will be made perfect.